Wordless Wednesday: Beyond the Shadow of a Doubt

Argemone grown from seed.

Alpine strawberry (Fragaria vesca)—also grown from seed.

Western Columbine (Aquilegia formosa). Yes, this one is an old seedling of mine too. 

Western red cedar (Thuja plicata) snag left in a garden setting. (Just to throw you off the scent of my trail.)

Nigella seed heads: the circle of life begins again.

Growing On

Japanese maple (Acer japonica) in my backyard.

I'm still feeling a lot like this seemingly vulnerable leaf on one of my Japanese maples, but as days have passed, and the leaves have all opened up, the leaf no longer sticks out. I'm taking this as a sign. As it lifted up its head to the sun it was enveloped by the support of other leaves around it. 

In the garden I am comforted.

Salmonberry (Rubus spectabilis) growing above the Pacific Ocean.

My trip the the Pacific a few weeks ago also had me viewing an understory of nearly nothing by salmonberry bushes and their blooms. I tried for far too long to get a nice shot of their hot pink blossoms but the wind was simply too much. Instead, I did capture this berry.

Morning glory vine (Ipomoea) on a tombstone in Oysterville, WA.

In my photos I also found this lovely rendition of a morning glory vine on a gravestone. I don't believe I've shared it yet. Eternal blooms fascinate me more and more as I age. What flower would I want on my headstone? Why? I am such a plant nerd it's impossible to choose just one. Besides, in the technological world we live in I'm much more likely to desire something akin to a slideshow. Oh! I am so ashamed at times to be so spoiled by the world around me. We're lucky I think.

Dudlyea brittonii seedlings. 

Many of the seeds I was unable to plant last year made it into production this year. Above you'll see one of my favorites. I cannot wait to see these grow up. They are such beautiful plants.

Unknown Agave I grew from seed.
I guess these little "friends" area telling me that it's time for the plant to be moved to a larger pot. 

It is time to repot older plants I've grown from seed. This is a plant that really spoke volumes to me when I looked closely at what it was saying to me. "Plant me. I need more space. If you don't, I promise to break this planter. It is weak. I am not." Ok, maybe I'm totally exaggerating.

Me last month pruning the willow arbor while waiting to be picked up to go out for the evening. I can prune in a linen dress. Wow, the things we learn when we wait impatiently...

Being able to climb up onto a ladder to prune was a huge undertaking for me. In the past I would have been too dizzy to do this but not anymore!

Hellebore plant (Helleborus orientalis) pregnant with seeds. 

Collecting seeds for my Etsy shop Milton's Garden Menagerie has started all over too. Even though I am still not 100% about where I'll be going next in my life, I do know with complete certainty that I want seeds to remain—and plants too!

Cuttings from my Begonia boliviensis I grew from seed. The propagation goes on and on...

Wordless Wednesday: The Garden Year Begins—Again

Iris 'Katharine Hodgkin'.

Galanthus nivalis.

Helleborus orientalis. 

Helleborus orientalis.

Helleborus orientalis.

Agave utahensis var. eborispina and Pyrethrum 'Robinson's Mix'.

Wordless Wednesday: Starting Some Seeds

Upcycling Idea for Seed Freaks When You Want to be a Fancy and Funky Seed Starter

I put this little set together a few weeks ago but have been far too busy to post the pictures.

There are so many pieces of retro funky junk that can be put to good use in the garden.

Let's just hope that my little seedlings and their plastic pots don't tumble out of this midcentury modern glass tumbler carrier...

Ending Garden Therapy

Sunset from the front porch.

Gardens are therapeutic and gardening is admittedly a therapeutic activity. For almost 10 years I've been in treatment in the garden and that period of my life is now ending. We've all been there in one way or another, but in my case, I think it's safe to say that the garden saved me and changed me. 

From left to right: Mt. St. Helen's, Mt. Rainer, and Mt. Adams. Before the age of 22 I'd climbed 10 mountains in the Pacific Northwest and Mt. St. Helen's was the last on that list.  

When my world seemingly closed, and I had to retreat to lick my wounds, it was the natural world and learning about plants that kept me attached to life. Sometimes, when I'd fly to CA to see my ex I'd often hide a few errant tears if I saw the mountains of the Pacific Northwest knowing that I could no longer hike or backpack in the forests that skirted them. My garden had become a surrogate for these adventures, but I still very much missed the real thing.

To heal that pain, I studied plants in books, purchased seeds to grow, and I sought out a few plant folks. This was not a replacement for the joy I'd once found in the beauty and solitude of the forest and in nature, instead it became a symbolic bandage meant to hold back the deep weeping emotional wound I'd developed. While my peers were out exploring during the spring and summer, I was at home, often so swollen I was unable to walk, and I'd read about the plants that others were able to physically go out to view.

Sometimes I'd feel like a caged animal and in retrospect those sobs that came out of my loneliness now seem more like howls for the wild as much as they were my cries for help.

The Winged Victory of Samothrace or the Nike of Samothrace is a piece I find very inspirational.
It was the first piece of garden statuary I ever purchased.

Creating a refuge or a sanctuary was very important to me, and now, as I am set to fly, with a little nudge out of the nest, I look around before me at what I've created while my mind was so overwrought with blocking out the reality I was living, and I'm still so surprised by what I find. 

I've been telling anyone who'll listen to me that the past 10 years have been the ugliest in my life. Yet somehow I stuffed every blank space around me with beautiful and rare plants. My brain keeps trying to tell me that I shouldn't have been so escapist though, and that I should have been trying harder to work and to learn how to survive in the real world. My heart says that I did what I had to do to survive though, and between the two, I have no idea yet what I will do now to support myself, but part of me wishes I could be a garden therapist for someone else experiencing what I've been through. Few seriously ill people can afford to own their own gardens though and I know in my case it has been such a gift to have been able to have my own. My garden was the best medicine of all.  

This was the backyard before we'd removed all of the grass about 6 years ago. 

But I'm not really qualified to be a therapist, though I am a writer. That's why I started this blog in the first place. I wanted to share my experiences and I wanted to inspire those who were down to try to find the physical strength to at least try something that seemed to me as simple as planting a packet with a few seeds. Taking that first step can be difficult though for some people—even healthy ones. It started like that for me and it led to an entire world I've been able to live in but now it has to end, or shift, or change, or grow. 

My plant labor-atory.  

More of my plant labor-atory.  

Ending therapy means ending a relationship. For me that still means leaving my garden, and although I am ready to do this if I really have to do so, I still have my doubts that it's the best idea.

What began for me as therapy has grown into something else. I cannot extricate the experience of plants from who I am anymore. How plants will now figure into my plan I don't know, but plants are my future.

An undated photo of my three cats under the willow arbor. Yes, they think they are too good to sit on the ground. 

Like many other Americans I am living with a chronic illness that makes many forms of employment difficult. I too want to live with my dignity and this is challenging when daily you feel as though you are partially unreliable due to your condition and its symptoms. Finding flexible employment is not easy, but we all must make our way in life.

I've had to grow into accepting this as my life, and I am more than grateful for the reprieve that a new medication has given me. My life is almost normal now and the difficulties are far more manageable than ever.

But I cannot afford to own the garden that healed me and that is what I am faced with right now. To think of selling something that did so much for me is really difficult. It has been not only where I've enjoyed hiding, but over time—especially during the last year—it has been able to reintroduce me to the world and to more and more people, and I've really enjoyed meeting and speaking to all of the amazing plant-loving people I've met both here and in person.

Funny too that as much as I'd hoped for this post to be about not really knowing how to remake my life right now all I really want to say here now is that I hope this post inspires you to reach out to someone in your own life who might need your help right now. I am giving back to someone who almost lost her husband in a cycling accident recently and I know if you think hard enough you too can think of a friend, family member, or neighbor who might benefit from some garden help.

We really are all garden therapists when we reach out and get dirty for someone else.

Vive le jardin!

Waiting for Godot—in My Garden

This is busy month around here because I am back to being a part-time single parent. My husband had to rush off to California with wine work to do before bud break, so I am back to holding down the fort by myself. In the meantime, I am sorting and planting seeds, fostering the kids, and planning a quick vacation to California for my Spring Break. I feel bad that our home will not be available for foster kids, but so far, all of them are actually happy that I will be getting out. Too bad they groan when I fill them in on my ulterior motive: San Francisco Flower & Garden Show.

This is our four-year-old part-feral cat that is no longer as feral as she used to be. Monabelle was like a ghost, but now she is showing more interest in my activities than ever before. I just feel bad that she misses her buddy—my husband.

Prolonged drawn out explanations for my as-of-yet absent summaries of Seattle talks will not appear here today. Instead, suffice it to say, I am waiting, I have been waiting, and I've waited. Currently I am going through the third diagnosis experience in my life and I've forgotten how much I don't like waiting. This time it feels like a more serious problem so hence my Godot title. I try not to think over the meaning of life while I am knocked out by some kind of mysterious malady, but then plants just cannot keep my mind away from the worry swirling around inside of me—dancing around the drain without going away to wherever it should go.

Last night I was trying to read, which is really difficult to do if you have chronic illness and pain, and I found this funny quote by the author of the drama already discussed in this post, "What do I know of man's destiny? I could tell you more about radishes." Samuel Beckett was (and still is) my kind of guy.

With that in mind, I will head out for my biopsy today, planning in my mind to return home refreshed to bury my worries elsewhere on the property—

Last Minute Seed Orders (Part One)

Like many gardeners, I live for these two months of garden planning and plotting between New Year's and March. Here are my thoughts:

1—I am looking at the bones of my garden and I have realized that there are not enough to hold the body up. Like me, the landscape seems to be getting a bit flabby.
2—This year I intend to begin adding more and more to the verticality of my garden since that is pretty much all I have left to plant. Maybe this action will be a bit like lifting some weights too. (Oh the watering nightmare I am just ASKING for right now. Ugh!)
3—I need to make a serious plan for my 200 square foot vegetable garden. I want to harvest both in the spring and the fall so maybe that simplifies it all a bit for me? Having the husband at home, and not in California so much, would probably simplify that even more but the grapes will call him, and when they do, he must go.

As for the seeds, I failed at planing to plant fewer than I did last year. Since I am so organized, and I have a lot of leftovers from last year, I am actually able to order more. Yikes! In the picture I've posted you can also see USDA seed importation tags. If you haven't gone through the process yes, I really recommend it. The process might be a bit convoluted, but in the end, you can buy your seeds from virtually anywhere while feeling responsible. (USDA: Small Lots of Seed)

Chiltern Seeds is a great company in England that I have ordered from for several years. They walk you through the process of how to order seeds with your permit on their site. (Chiltern Seeds UK).

Oh, and if you have a permit, you can order from a place like this: Chileflora.

Domestically, I order from large seed companies, but I truly prefer many of the smaller, quirkier, and more botanically oddball kinds of assortments. Many of my favorites also have a large number of native plant seeds from all over the country as well as many alpines. Supporting local plant groups, national gardening organizations, and botanical gardens are also always on my list.

Alplains This catalog has native alpine seeds from all over the West. I simply love how the plant descriptions tell you which state and from which county and at what elevation the seed was collected. So botanical!
Everwilde Farms, Inc. Amazing selection of wildflowers that are hard to find and are gorgeous. Possibly where I found a selection of perennial sunflower seeds last year but I cannot recall.
Plants of the Southwest Native plants of the SW that can be used virtually anywhere it's hot and dry on your property.
Thomas Jefferson's Monticello I love to tell folks something came from Monticello! Great heirloom selection.
Rhododendron Species Foundation AMAZING seed collection of species Rhododendrons. They have an annual plant sale too.
American Horticultural Society: Annual Seed Exchange This is by far my favorite membership. I love supporting their cause while they support my habit.
Trade Winds Fruit Lots of tropical stuff that I either push in my climate or else I protect in the winter.
Cactus Canyon Nothing but cacti.
Rare Palm Seeds Nothing but palms.
Horizon Herbs Lots of herbs and the catalog is really informative.
Seed Hunt Small seed company in CA that rocks my garden each year. I have put off ordering so far because the list I want right now is so big but I WILL get it in soon.
Hortus Botanicus Amazing Web site and I love so many of their hard to find seeds.
Butterfly Encounters (Nothing but Milkweed Seeds) How can't you love a business dedicated to selling seeds in order to encourage us to feed the butterflies.

Ah Swell, Seed Starting is Upon Us

Our Camellia sasanqua 'Yuletide' is here with its annual flush of color and we have several Hellebores blooming too. This means that is time to get ready for our annual pilgrimage to Seattle in February for the Northwest Flower & Garden Show. I am hoping this year my husband and I will have more fun than ever, but we just never know since my chronic illness—a mysterious malady—can make me miserable quite quickly.

As I sit and drink my special tea, the one I only drink when I need to feel the warm embrace of my Parisian friends and the happiness of what brought my husband and I together, I only do so as if to hold a warm security blanket. I say this because January has been a really difficult month of me, oh, and if you'd like to know the tea, its Mariage Frères "Pleine Lune."

Despite the ongoing pain from continual swelling, and the fear of having a swollen neck that can make it difficult to swallow, and sometimes breathe, I have continued to keep my hands and my mind occupied with garden-like crafts. Sales of my online boutique shops have continued, and the kids have kept coming. What I have learned from being sick like this off and on now for 10 years is that you have to simply keep going. Doing this is so hard at times because on the other hand you must learn to let other things slide. For a Virgo perfectionist like me, this has been heartbreaking and it is my real daily struggle.

I'd wanted to have had these finished a few months ago, but they are finished now and I am really happy to have made them. This is the only complete accordion seed book so far, but I learned a great deal from making it. It looks really nice too and I am so pleased with it.

These origami boxes are for seed collections too. I made these while watching a 007 movie marathon a few weeks ago. I'd wanted to roll up seed tapes in them but when the seeds were applied to the paper strips, they were simply too big. Guess I need larger origami paper!

Lastly, these are large stakes I've painted with chalkboard paint. I am not sure if I would use them outside since the chalk comes off with water so easily, but nevertheless, they look really cute. I highly recommend making some of these if you have any kind of garden themed party this upcoming season. You can get the paint at craft stores in all kinds of crazy colors. Folks also plant planters with the stuff, and I have some I've been making too, but for some reason I am thinking that the pots will chip off. We'll see and I'll let you know.

So January has been a rough time, but I have completed some goals, despite having to neglect some others. Never giving in, and never giving up can really wear a person down and I am so concerned that this year my seed starting will end up like last year's. Many of the seedlings didn't make it because I was too wrapped up in being a new foster respite provider. This year I will really need to find the balance between my needs and those of the kids.

The last year has taught me much about empathy. I empathize too much with everyone and it is really draining. Some of us are just very empathetic and although it is a skill set, it must be used responsibly.

The kids in therapeutic foster care often have little empathy for others because of what they have experienced in their lives. This is a huge challenge for many of them. Some will learn to trust others enough again in the future to really open up and feel what others feel, but others will not. My job is to be a good role model, and not to over empathize with them. I need to teach them skills and help their confidence. This is how gardening fits into the big picture and this is truly my New Year's Resolution.

With that, we begin the seed starting season: Gardening Skills 101.

If you would like to see the list of seeds I'm starting this year, please visit the tab that reads Seed Starting 2001 to the right of the HOME button above this post. 

What Did I Germinate?

This time last year I was in San Diego. I'd flown one-way and my husband and I had planned to drive home to Oregon by way of Los Angeles, Fresno, Yosemite, Sacramento, Santa Rosa, then 101 up the coast to Coos Bay, and over to I-5 for the quick dash home. Along the way we saw friends and family, and as can be imagined, we stopped at many plant places.

This leads me to today. It is cold out and we may have snow down to the valley floor this weekend. I am trying to protect whatever plants I can, but sometimes I do no know what the plants are, so that makes my job more difficult. This is the seedling in question:

This is its mommy and daddy. The picture does not do justice though to their height. These inflorescences were so tall. I cannot recall for sure, but they seemed to have been at least 10 feet tall.

Does anyone have any idea what this is? The plant is super happy, and I will protect it, but I must figure out what it is so that I can care for it. The seed pod was really big and I found it on the ground as we walked past the plants.

This is also how I collected seed from these plants too, and I am guessing they are some kind of Asparagus. If you know for sure, let me know pretty please! (Yes, I grew babies for these seeds too. I wish I'd taken a better picture but I was getting so tired by this point in our walk.)

Anybody buying plants on Craigslist?

Fuchsia boliviana.

The economy must be doing badly this summer. That's obvious, right? Last year I was able to post all kinds of plants on CL but this summer nobody seems to have any extra cash. It is sad that others' seed money is all tied up in fuel costs, but it seems that is the case right now. Tomorrow I intend to post something for sale since it has been at least a month or so since I last had an item up for grabs, but if I don't sell something soon, I guess that I will simply have to pot them all up for next year and hope for the best. (Would love to sell my Bolivian fushias I've grown from seed but none of them has flowered just yet. They were started from seed in 2006, and still haven't bloomed! I refuse to give up on them though. Wish me luck.) UPDATE: JUST SOLD 3 COMMON VALERIAN PLANTS. YA!

Seeds

After falling down the stairs in some new Wellies, I chose to start growing seeds in the basement this week over other kinds of activities chosen by invalids in my state. Each year as I pull out my little envelopes there is a thrill that runs through me followed by shame since there are always other things I could be doing. What about the many plants I already have in the yard? What about the ones that still haven't been planted, sold, or held for friends? I just cannot stop the compulsion to begin again, and the feeling that the sooner I empty out the seed coffers, the sooner I can try something new. This sounds crazy, yes, and I know that I am not the only addict, but how can you cure such an innocent problem? I don't drink, I don't smoke, and I show no other signs of obsessive behavior. I just cannot stop growing plants. This year, some of the seeds were even stolen from yards as I walked past! I just couldn't resist the beauty of a seed pod dangling from a tree overhead. It felt like Christmas. But for now I must relent and resist this rant, my head is hurting and I have things to check on, like the seeds in the basement! (My little babies have already started to sprout.)