Digging in the Roots: A Pre-Spring Reverie

Viola odorata. 

After work tonight my husband and I walked to the grocery store. Along the way I plucked a few stray Viola odorata blooms and then cupped them in my left palm like small birds. From time to time—passing the halal markets and medical marijuana storefronts—I held my hand to my nose and drew in their scent. I instinctively wanted to bite into my violets because my brain recognized their sweet scent as a favorite candy. But I didn't. Instead I walked along enjoying the moment thinking about how much I love plants—especially sensual plants.  

Here at home the seedlings are growing in their little pots and plugs. I'm keeping up with my planting schedule (for the most part) but I'm not certain if I'll be able to finish things up before we leave for Italy.

We have a housesitting plan, a cat sitter, and a seedling sitter.

(I think that it's wonderful to know there are friends available to help you with your plants, don't you?)

Whatever doesn't get planted, at least I can buy at a local nursery. Portland is blessed with so many plant nurseries. [Sigh.]

One of my favorite images from the Yard, Garden & Patio Show.

I made it to the Yard, Garden & Patio Show a few weeks ago here in Portland. (I hadn't been in years!) It was a fantastic experience and I hope to post pictures from it eventually, but I know, I've said that in the past.

I mean it this time. It will happen. I will post the pictures.

This pledge is happening because I've been taking my writing more seriously. Being paid to write is a wonderful thing. Thanks to being able to work at doing what I love, a recent goal I've acknowledged is to finally organize my photos. This will help me professionally too. I can't wait to share them.

The plant room has been cleaned out again—for what I hope will be the last time. It is looking better and better but there is still much work to do. Last weekend the compact fluorescent light that has been keeping my plants alive for a few years popped and blew out. That's one more unexpected garden expense that needs to be attended to but it's worth it! That room is cheerful during the dreary and rainy months because of that light and those plants bring so much life into the dead of winter.

This is probably the reason why Mona (the partially feral cat) lives in that room now. She's always loved it back there but now it's her room—at least that is until is warms up enough to be outside all day.

Yesterday I made it outside for a bit. It was the first work I'd done in the garden in a long time. My health has not been great. I had a bad infection for several weeks last month but I toughed it out and am ok now. I'm amazed by how easily I lose my strength and conditioning. I feel strong when I exercise regularly and walk a lot but after a few months off I feel as though I have to begin all over again.

Luckily, it's worth it. The benefits of exercise for me are undeniable. Nothing makes chronic pain go away more than exercise. I guess it really is important to stay limber.

Happy (early) St Patrick's Day!

Since I won't be here again until after Monday I thought I'd leave you with this. I was born an Annie, and internally, I'll always be a little redhead named Annie. There's just a wee bit of Irish in me, can you tell? And I do love the color green, now don't I?

(This post is dedicated to Father Cathal Brennan. RIP I still miss you very much.)

My mom with Father Brennan. 

Merry Christmas

Hope you had a lovely holiday full of laughter and love. We filled the house with food and friends and feasted on The Feast of Seven Fishes. I'm ashamed I didn't take more photos, but I can assure you I was busy for several hours and nothing was left on a single plate. It was delicious. 

These are a few of our handmade spinach ravioli with Dungeness crab filling. This was a huge win for us because we'd never made them.

After the guests had departed I received my presents. The first was the book above. We're planning a trip to Italy in 2014 so I need to get my green hat on again soon. This book will help me. I've never been, and John is taking me to see places from his childhood. He wanted to take me to Sicily too, but I'd rather see friends, so we're thinking about alternatives. I'm excited, but traveling is always hard on my body so I have a lot of planning and special physical therapy exercises in store for me. 

My second gift was this pearl necklace. No one has ever given me anything like this before and it means a lot to me. I can only afford the basics within my budget so this is a true gift. I feel a bit grown up wearing it. Last night I wanted to fall asleep with it on. I felt like a little girl playing dress up and that made me happy for some funny reason.

I'm pretty sure I'm not allowed to garden with it on, but the thought did cross my mind. 

I am getting John a kitten. This is crazy since we already have 3 cats, but it is what he wants. (More on that new arrival soon. We are being very careful with our choice.)

So, the future looks bright and my garden is waking up and I'm looking forward to revising it in the coming months. There will be more shared meals and laughter in this house. I hope to meet new people and have more creative energy and ideas. Best of all, I want to continue to help people and share my thoughts about what I've learned through managing my own chronic illness. I've built up more and more strength and I am ready now. It was rough to revisit where I was in my life but I'm truly supported and encouraged now by those around me. 

The only immediate issue I currently have is about continuing my education. Part of me wants to study again, but I will need more strength and endurance. What to study? Horticulture, garden design, writing? I don't know, but I'm open to developing my potential again. I want to dig in, get involved, and become more of the professional I know I am. 

With that, I must bid you all adieu! 

Merry Christmas! 

(More from the garden soon!)

The Quince, Sea Beans, and a Black Oregon Truffle

Since it's almost Christmas, it's time for me to post what's been waiting in my hopper. (These past few weeks have been a blur.) 

Between cooking for folks here at home, ghostblogging about food for someone else, and cooking food for clients I've been working for as a caregiver, I'm feeling fairly proficient in the kitchen nowadays.

Our Thanksgiving Quinces as Still-life. 

Last month we purchased some quince from a local co-op. We'd gone there to look for raw goat milk for making cheese and whey. When we got home, John set about making quince paste. It was a fun process and quite different than I'd imagined. Both culinary projects went well and they tasted so good. The quince paste was served with some wild boar charcuterie at Thanksgiving alongside some Spanish cheeses.

Oh! That seems like ages ago to me right now.

There are so many vegetables to give thanks for this time of year.

Sausage, Potato and Savoy Cabbage Soup is a comfort food of mine.

We've pickled a few beets during the last few weeks and just last week I prepared my favorite cabbage soup when we had a large family of friends over for dinner. My best friend from college and his wife have adopted a baby and I get to be an auntie again. With his whole family in town, of course I had to invite them all over for dinner too.

Know your Italian chicories: Radicchio and Treviso. 

Last month there was a tasty salad I made with some radicchio too. It was raw radicchio—not grilled—so I was weary at first. Somehow serving it with crispy red onions and a citrus vinaigrette did something magical to its bitterness. It was another great success I hope to serve again soon.

Wild foraged Sea Beans. 

I'd always wanted to try these so last month I purchased some samphire at the Portland Farmers Market. I was pleasantly surprised by how salty they were when I popped one into my mouth.

Sea Beans with Rice Vinegar and Furikake. 

Days later I put this little salad together at home. I recommend sea beans highly if you're into salt. They are very crunchy too. Somewhere in my office I have seeds for them. I am really curious now to see how they'll taste when grown in my home garden.

Copper Beech in front of the Millar Library at PSU. 

While at PSU attending the Portland Farmer's Market, I enjoyed looking around. The market takes place in the park blocks and there are so many beautiful trees to look at while people watching and shopping. 

For many years it was a painful place for me to visit because my health had been very poor while I was a student there. Now that I'm much better, I can reflect on those years. We all need to process our past and move forward stronger and more aware. Being surrounded by the market makes that process kind of fun for me now. My love of food and my knowledge of plants has given me some much needed strength over the past few years.

After one of the trips to the market I went thrift store shopping. I was looking for a new ikebana vase when I found this old 1980s mauve piece. When I saw the sticker it made me smile. This shop is no longer in business and had belonged to my niece's grandmother on her mother's side of the family. While driving home, the poor thing broke, but my niece was happy I'd at least thought to pick it up for her. 

Wild Foraged Chanterelles.

I made these into an omelette. What do you like to make with yours? Just curious.

Oregon Black Truffle. 

We bought truffles too and John made a delicious risotto for us. (Risotto is common in the region of Italy he hails from and he was raised eating it.) The Oregon truffle was a fun twist on our usual recipe for both of us. Yes, the domestic truffle is not as tasty as European truffles, but they are more affordable. I'll take that tradeoff. Truffles just make me happy too. I smell them and they make me smile. When they are near me, I am content. 

Seriously. I love truffles.

Lastly, for Thanksgiving we also had some flowers. It began with this simple arrangement but then I expanded from there. This year I also made sure to buy American-grown flowers. I'm dedicated to buying them more often now and I can assure you that you'll be hearing more and more about this topic during the coming months.

Goodbye for now.
PS: Hope your holidays are going well!

An Autumn Field Report

My life feels like it's on fire right now—but my house looks like it thanks to the annual display put on by the Virginia Creeper (Parthenocissus quinquefolia). 

While my life takes off, I'm too busy to even sit and consider what'll happen to me now if I swell up. It took me a long time, and it took a lot of searching and self-acceptance, but finally, I seem to have a professional life and a work schedule I not only can manage, but I've set myself up to succeed and it feels so much better. 

The garden is no longer neglected. In my mind, it's on hold. It's slowly starting up again (really coming to life for the first time) and I'm introducing John to it little by little.

His first unique seed experience was this 'Cruel' vine seed head (Araujia sericifera). It's the only one produced by this non-hardy vine that has survived a few too many winters here in Oregon. I grew if from seed. To see it set seed after several years is very exciting to me.

The vine is in front of the house and isn't really that special. It chokes out all that gets in its way and I was getting tired of its unneighborly behavior. Then it bloomed rows of small, pretty white fragrant flowers and my dislike (aka hatred) for the plant relented.

I am a proud mama now. I can't kill my baby. I've got to collect its seeds!

The small autumn-blooming Camellia 'Silver Dollar' is currently bursting with blooms. I appreciate and admire its restraint and grace. So many of the other garden plants are dressed up like painted ladies this time of year. I love the little touch of class this plant offers my eyes.

The Amsonia I grew from seed a few years ago is looking beautiful next to this Plumbago (Ceratostigma plumbaginoides)—speaking of painted ladies!

Life in the house and garden is changing though. Our family has changed and I'm working more and more outside of the house now.

Maurice the Cat is ever the trooper and despite his age, arthritic pain, and weight problem, he's soldiering on and has enjoyed every last bit of sunshine he can grasp in his polydactyl paws.

Cats do not like change and only now are they trusting that their lives are not being tossed hither and thither.

The leaves are changing and falling. The air is crisp and tonight we may have some frosty temps in the Portland metro area.

It's a beautiful time of the year and I'm preparing again to participate in NaNoWriMo.

I'm writing a novel again in November—but unlike last year—this story is fully cooked and ready to go. I am also preparing to write many other things. Actually, I'm already doing so. It's time. I am well enough now.

There is still some physical recovery to do. A decade of illness is not easy to repair. I need to lose more weight. My blood pressure and heart need a break. I've lost a lot of weight and have continued to regain and build muscle but my body needs to be leaner and meaner. I am caring for me now and it feels good too.

I will do all of these things that I've set out to do now. That's what I do. That's what I've always done. It's good to be me again.

I'm working as a caregiver now, and I work all kinds of odd shifts with the elderly and those in hospice.

Illness has prepared me for this and I'm comfortable and confident with what I'm doing.

It's not a forever job, but for now, I'm enjoying the pleasure of working hard and the opportunity of getting to know new and interesting people.

They've lived different lives than mine and we honor and respect one another as we work through basic daily tasks that have become increasingly more difficult for the clients. The adjustment has not been easy for me, but it's improving. I know what I'm doing and I know that I can help them.

It feels good.

There's also a new dog in the family. My mother-in-law picked up this little cutie recently and although I'm not a dog person, I like her a lot. She has made my mother-in-law very happy and I've enjoyed seeing that, but the whole adoption process led to John and I craving a kitten.

Between the two of us we have 5 cats. We do not need a kitten. (His two cats live with his mom and her new pup.) We just want one. Ugh.

This autumn we've talked a lot about eventually buying a place in the country near the ocean. I've thought about the garden it would have and what palate of plants I would pick. This is another project I'm working on right now.

I've never really designed a  project like this, but oddly, I'm ready and willing to accept the challenge.

This has led to me thinking a lot about my own design aesthetic. I never knew I had one but it runs through almost everything I do. It ties into the novel writing, so I'm a happily contained little mind now. Inside I am germinating.

There have been many meals and many recipes recently. John has been cooking new things, learning new techniques in the kitchen, and he's been shopping at farmer's markets. As for me, I'm in love with my Cauliflower (Brassica) 'Minaret'. Yes, I've been cooking too, but I've been enjoying all of John's food more. I'm proud of him. He's a great cook.

For me, food has become another job. This is a good thing—literally, a job! I'm still kind of in shock this even happened, but it did.

So, it's exciting to announce this publicly. Here goes: I've been hired to work as a ghost blogger for a food blogger. That is all I can say, since I am obviously a ghost blogger, but to say that the experience is thrilling is an understatement. I want to be a paid writer. I crave it. I need it. I would like to continue working as an editor too. With this opportunity, I will be able to do both of these things.

And from here it will only get better...

Lastly, I've returned to arranging flowers and that's been good for me during the times when I still feel chronic pain from either swelling or injuries I sustained years ago. I'm arranging plant material weekly in an effort to relieve stress and to be creative. It gets my juices flowing and it gives me a problem to solve. I relish that kind of thing.

The whole process brings a kind of value to my life that's irreplaceable.

It's still cleanup time in the garden—my garden: I'm still blogging, there are seeds to sow, I see a future garden to begin designing, and there are many words in the air. My mind has been swept and it is still a bit shady in there, but I see leaks of light and the words are in lines now that float and I can grasp their syntax.

Someday I will describe the mind of chronic pain to show how dull and slow it can become and how one can lose so many words. The feelings and thoughts were all inside of me but I couldn't get them out. I struggled. I was inarticulate for so many years.

It is difficult when the words come to me quickly now. I still feel as though I'm sitting behind the wheel of a fast car as the words pour out. I know that I am not yet as suave as I once was though, I'm rough, I repeat a lot. I could use better words—and I will.

But I will use them for my novel and it will have a garden and it will have plants and there will be so many other wonderful things. My many layers are peeling away now and as winter comes low over the horizon from the cold north I will let the chilling winds lay bare that which I want so badly to articulate but have yet been unable to do so. 

Emerging Anew: Budding and Reblooming (The cycle never seems to end.)

The blog has been largely quiet for the last few months as I've been reentering and reshaping my life. What's nice to know, at least for my own sake, is that this blog is not going to go away anytime soon. As hokey as it sounds—like me, or even you—it's just going to continue to grow and change.

Rhododendron hybrid at the Espy House in Oysterville, WA. 

I want to grow and change. I want to be like my formerly feral cat who's grown to trust me more and more. For this love she's shown me, I fixed her fence again about a month ago. I'm not going to say that she does the dishes now, but she's quite happy with the respect I've shown her.

Currently I'm seeing so many things again as if for the first time and part of what's kept me away from my typically long and meandering posts has been a reticence to describe my new life because it is taking time for me to watch it as it unfurls.

Vine Maple (Acer circinatum). 

I'm emerging too and with the amount of restorative exercise I've been doing I'm looking like myself again. One cannot describe how much illness changes you inside as you suffer through the pain. In my case, I struggled for years on my own.

Though I'm better now, and so much stronger physically, for the last few months I've had to continue battling Hereditary Angiodema while at the same time accepting the fact that two falls down staircases have caused some serious damage to my back and neck. It is difficult to accept that I didn't seek the help I needed at the time I needed it. Daily I'm reminded of this, and daily I'm learning to think about it differently while acknowledging I did the best that I could at that time. I needed help though in my daily life, and I needed a lot of support. Accepting that I still do, and that I need to ask for it from now on, is something I see now as an immediate need as I better define what living with dignity means to me.

With allergies and food intolerances it's been difficult for years to eat but I've taken charge of that too. Having spent a lot of time with a Scandinavian friend with similar issues helped me a lot last year. Sometimes we cooked for one another too. It really helped me to rebuild my confidence and as my health has improved I've had more endurance in that arena too. Cooking is a big part of who I am.

A shrimp and basil casserole I made with a recipe from the island of Elba. It has tomatoes and potatoes too and that's just about it. 

Handmade cannoli I made for my boyfriend's birthday. Yes, I even made my own shells too. 

My online seed shop has recently been remodeled and cleaned up a bit too. I've been working on many other responsibilities as well. Highlights of my days include moments when I can sneak outside to discover new blooms on my old garden friends.

Slowly, I'm weeding the garden back into shape. Last year I didn't work outside much at all. It was simply too painful. This year, I am trying really hard to take my garden back.

Iris fiorentina. 

There are the new-to-me flowers too. Even if I've seen them a million times in print or online, seeing them up close and in person makes such a difference. I've been visiting friends' gardens more and more and I love it when I'm surprised by what I can only call "new material".

Sparaxis tricolor. 

The classics have been comforting me this spring. After years of living with great stress and uncertainty I'm finally calm enough to really soak up and appreciate their beauty.

Tulip hybrid in the company of a peony. 

The return of my green rose has brought me great comfort and gardener pride. With the high temperatures we've been having it's blooming early this year.

Their black pepper scent was much missed.

Rosa viridiflora. 

With a return to the kitchen, I've become interested again in cooking with herbs and other plants. I've been wanting to raid my neighbor's calendula for years and this is finally the year for me to do it. Have you cooked with Calendula before? Just curious.

Calendula officinalis.

Lastly, I've been returning to my roots and have been enjoying the natural beauty of the region I live in once more. There is so much meaning in everything I see and do now after so many years of struggling personally, professionally, and in my private life. Sometimes I wish that this process could speed up and end but in order to grow, I see clearly now that this takes time and care. I must tend to myself first and then to my garden. In the end, we'll all be much stronger and more disease and pest resistant.

Oh, and I'm getting really excited now about being part of a presentation—along with some other garden blogging friends—on June 8th out at Joy Creek Nursery. Should be fun to really think about the topic of garden blogging over the next few weeks.

Terra firma in springtime...

A Phalaenopsis orchid given to me as a gift last Christmas (2011) has finally re-bloomed. 

Like the above orchid, I'm currently in the process of re-blooming too. It seriously took my being able to accept that I had to simply shut my own eyes, let go (trusting that I would be caught by something), and finally I allowed myself to fall backwards—yes, I guess back into my own life. 

So what if I went to that moment kicking and screaming? I made it. 

If I told you what happened next, well this wouldn't be a garden blog any longer. 

A lovely organic leek I sliced for fresh potato and leek soup on St. Patrick's Day, 2013. 

Cooking has again become popular around here and I'm happily creating and trying new things. I'm learning to make the basics, while appreciating the bountiful produce that's appearing as the season changes.

Being gluten-free is easy most of the time, but then you find recipes such as the one for the cake seen below, and you just have to make a cake to share with your friends.

Though not a garden, or even a plant, I had to share my leprechaun trap cake with everyone. Although no leprechauns were hurt, we did attract some pixies. (See below.)

I wish this had been a gluten-free cake, but it wasn't. I think that it turned out well except for my poor handling of the frosting. Someday soon I will master buttercream and this cake will look more like it's covered in grass. (That's why it's here. I knew there was a reason! Grass!)

The pixies are French so they could have cared less about the rainbow and pot of gold. Note that one has a ladybug on its thigh and the other has what looks to be a snail. No, oops, I mean escargot. 

 Like other gardeners I am excited for spring and I am feeling very playful and happy again.

The vintage ceramic potatoes make for nice vases on St. Patrick's Day too. 

I really miss ikebana classes a lot but due to the divorce I've had to cut such things from my life for now. In the meantime, I'm doing the best I can and it's not so bad at all.

Vintage hanging ceramic indoor planter with an Aligator fern (Microsorum musifolium).

The fact that I'll be moving sometime during the next few months has finally sunk in and I'm looking at my plants much differently now. Although I have not yet found a place to call home, I'm finally getting excited about it.

Epiphyllum grown from seed. I like to call this move "doing the Icarus". 

Someday soon, I hope to see many of my houseplants bloom—like this Epi cactus!

Well, stay tuned since it's moving with me. I have no idea how many years it will take, but I will wait for it.

Green mums in a small vintage liquour glass inherited from my family. 

These past few weeks I've quietly sat back a bit to think about my life, my garden, my plants, and who I am and who I want to be now. I started this blog when I was obviously a different person, living a different married life. It was full of chronic illness, unhappiness, and for a time, troubled foster children.

When things changed for me over a year ago, I was shown by many of my gardening friends that I belonged here. 

I learned that lesson rather quickly, but I didn't know how to start over. I have no shame in admitting I needed to find my own way. I've learned some incredible things about myself during the last two months. The serendipity I've experienced has given me a kind of hope.

My niece Chelsea glam'd me up for an event.  

Yes, then there are the things you need to do for yourself. My marriage did not make me feel very beautiful at all. Let me tell you now, if you feel that way yourself, get out. It is the most important lesson I've learned. The people you surround yourself with should always help to make you feel like the beautiful person you are and sometimes that's just not what happens. 

My nieces helped me to really understand this recently and I'm proud of them. When you help to raise a child, and then they come over to spend hours making you look pretty—after you've not looked so great for nearly a decade—it does something to you. To say that my niece Chelsea made me look beautiful one Sunday to prove a point to me is an understatement. She's been telling me for years she missed me, and that she wanted the world to see the woman she sees, and I have to say the kid's got a great eye. I just wasn't seeing it. 

She proved her point, and as an aunt, it was the first time I'd sat back to be school'd by one of my nieces and it was so worth it.

Oh weird! Downtown Portland. I remember this place...

Trust me when I say that I'm not giving up gardening. I'm very much going to continue blogging too. I just need a little more time to adjust. There are many changes afoot.

There is direction too—and maybe even a plan (possibly a very detailed plan).

I'm over the shock and pain of having fallen blindly. I survived and I've planted my feel solidly on the ground. It's new where I'm standing but I'm certain it's terra firma. In characteristic Ann fashion I'm standing a bit uncomfortably in the middle of an empty field and I've covered my eyes with one hand while with the other I reach into my pocket for seeds.

I am throwing out the seeds. I am casting them blindly in every direction, and if you look closely, you'll notice I'm coyly smiling. If you listen, across the distance, you'll hear me laughing again. It's not loud, but it's happy at least.

So take that springtime! I'm ready for you this year.

Let's get this party started.