Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Le Monde Végétal and the Green Embrace

Pardon my French, but it's simply the way things have to be for me nowadays. As I enter into a new phase of life, one post-illness (aka in remission), post-marriage as I knew it, and during which I must pick and choose what really matters to me now, and ever-will-be it seems, I have to explore things a bit more, things from my past and my present. From my past, I will always embrace and hold near and dear to my heart a love of language, culture, and the natural world around me. This is now being roughly sutured with my love of gardening since the gap between the two is the painful part that's hurt me the most, making my marriage into something it never should have been in the first place, and causing me great distress. I have to suture these things to help the healing. 

My language replacement during the rough years was Botanical Latin, with its many linguistic textures and tones. Yes, my pronunciation in this green world is terrible, but I've been told that's not uncommon by multilingual friends—especially in my situation with a memory that was often on the fritz. As long as I can see the name in my head, and spell it, I seem to be able to survive, and by that, I mean I can communicate. Speaking and being heard means the world to anyone who feels cut off from the rest of the society by the experience of illness. The isolation you feel is really quite incredible and it is more powerful than even I knew while in the midst of it. It changes you. 

So with all of this in mind, as I sit here eating leftover Cadbury Mini Eggs from Easter, I will get to the point of my post. 

Last week I participated in a little informal nursery tour with some plant friends. For them, it's become an annual little get-together before the craziness of the Hardy Plant Society Spring Sale. I was not sure how I'd feel about le monde végétal since my life is still very much up in the air, and sometimes I do want to sell the house and garden, but I gave it my all anyway, and it was worth the effort. 

Xera Plants
Agave gentryi 'Jaws'. 
Garrya topiary.
Ercilla volubile.
Primula auricula 'Dijon Blush'.
Potting gurney. 
Moss garden.
McMenamins: Kennedy School Garden Tour
Cistus Design Nursery
Aristolochia californica (red form).
Aristolochia californica (green or yellow form).
Loree aka Danger Garden (blogger friend) with an Agave—shocking!
Sean Hogan's feet, his dog, my feet, and the feet of one of our green friends on our little tour but I am not sure who they belong to still. 
I think this is a Podophyllum. 
Overall, the tours went very well, and I had a great time meeting new people. 

Adding to the excitement that day was the fact that just the day before, I'd sold the chair I'd been sitting immobile in for years, and it left this funny blank spot in the living room. Having space now to freely move around is making me wonder about all the space I'd filled in while I was still ill. While looking at plants, I started to think about throwing so many old plants out so that I could finally create a more clear design. Things seemed open and possible now, where they simply didn't before this. 
Buying a new iPhone has opened up more photography opportunities too, and I am seeing the natural world in all of its spacious glory. Editing and cleaning things out both internally and externally is opening up my world, but it is such a slow process. I feel like I can breathe now though, both in my own world, as well as out in the world I share with all of you.
Cherry trees in bloom on Mt. Tabor.
I think I can say now that Sean Hogan was correct weeks ago when he told me to accept and be embraced by the green world. It's just the medicine I needed for my transitional malady, and if ever you need to take this treatment too, I recommend it. 

9 comments:

  1. I think the corner in the living room looks lovely! Not empty at all, but rather free space, room to breathe and generally very pretty.

    I'm so sorry about what you're going through, and I won't presume to have any opinions about what's right or wrong for you. You are best placed to make those calls yourself.

    As for your love of languages... Well, I'm Danish, yet I blog in English because I love the language (and let's face it, more people will understand it!), and I'm going to Paris in 9 days and what I mainly look forward to is getting to speak French. I totally understand how it can be an important experience to speak and be heard - or write and be read, as a substitute. Language is so important because it's the main means of communication for us humans.

    Also, if I might verge on being a teenage girl: *hugs*

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    1. Søren,
      The house is feeling more open and free and I cannot wait to clear more out. I also hope to refinish some of the family antiques I have here and there. They mean a lot to me and are all I need.

      What I am going through is wonderful. I have been given another chance at life with this remission and it has given the man I've loved very much a great deal of room to take care of himself after so many years of dealing with my illness. He deserves to focus on himself now and I know that and feel it. We are getting through this better now by working together though we're in two separate but equally beautiful states.

      So jealous you'll be in Paris soon. My friend there sent me pictures of the trees about to burst with blooms and it melted my heart and bridged the distance a bit. Hopefully I will be practicing my French and Italian again soon.

      As for the hug, thank you! I love hugs right now and am bursting forth with so much happiness I can't help but just love hugs!

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    2. It's good to hear that this is a positive time. So often divorces are not, but I guess the remission puts a happy spin on events.

      I'm hoping for blooming chestnuts in Paris...

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  2. Don't fear open space. The living room looks ready for activity. You have some pretty photos in there and it sounds like you had a great time on the tour. Nice to "hear" you smiling in your post.
    (hug) from me too!

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    Replies
    1. I was smiling! How could you tell? Thanks for the hug. I really do need those right now as I drift along through all this open space.

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  3. Hugs, Ann! It sounds like you had a good garden/nursery tour with blogging friends! I'm jealous. And I'm so glad to hear you so happy and well.

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    Replies
    1. Hi Alison! Thanks for commenting, and yes, I was with some bloggers and some hort-folks. It was nice to have us all blended together, and I am so happy that the next Garden Blogger get together will be in SF. I won't miss that one and I hope you can make it too! Curious to see when it is...

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  4. So glad you are feeling better, of course, and especially glad you made it to our little outing! It was nice to finally put a face to the name, as they say. Oh, and I'm a total sucker for those Cadbury Mini Eggs...I'm practically despondent once they aren't for sale any more.

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  5. "accept and be embraced by" -- beautiful. Excellent advice for me right now, with green tips just starting to show here in Colorado.

    And I'd like to add a *hug* just to let you know how much I value your way with words and photos. Lifts me right up.

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